A Valuable Cooking Lesson

It’s February. In Boston.

“Cold” doesn’t even begin to describe what’s going on up here. “Cold” describes how the toilet seat feels in the morning. Or the temperature of the faucet when you first turn it on.

We’re currently at the “bone-chilling/snow-once-a-week/five-foot-tall-snowbanks-in front-and-behind-your-car/long-underwear-is-not-just-for-skiing” phase. Frankly, I’m a patient person. And I don’t lose my cool easily. But this weather is F@#()ng ridiculous and I’ve had enough of it.

In my effort to roll with it, I’ve busted out my slow cooker a few times so far this year. Last week I made some chili and despite combining two recipes and adding some random things (spicy Indian sauce, dried chili pepper, beef boullion, and a beer, to name a few), I was excited to see how it would turn out.

The problem was that after 5 hours, there was a whole lotta liquid. So I thought I’d turn the crocker up and leave the lid off, hoping to get some to evaporate. Not so.

Then I had the idea to put the whole ceramic liner on the burner of my gas stove.

After a few minutes, I heard a “pop” and went running into the kitchen but couldn’t find anything wrong. So I returned to the living room only to hear another “pop.” At this point, I got scared and returned the thing back to its cradle. A few seconds later I heard another “pop” and some hissing.

Putting the pieces together, I realized there must have been a crack and the liquid I was attempting to rid myself of was seeping into the cradle.

I quickly grabbed the ceramic liner and on my three-step journey to the sink, the bottom literally FELL OUT and chili went EVERYWHERE.

It was midnight and I was faced with chili on my slippers. Chili on my cabinets. Chili in the cracks around the dishwasher. Chili water running in rivulets down the cabinets and pooling up at my feet.

So I did the only thing that made sense. I scraped up and salvaged what I could off the countertop (which I had just cleaned hours earlier after assembling everything).

The next day my roommate had a big ol’ helping and said it was the best chili he’d ever had and it’s not actually terrible. And hey, I did get rid of the liquid. It may not have been the most efficient way, but still…

LESSON LEARNED: slow cooker ceramics are not meant for high-direct-heat. Noted.