Not so much the biting and digesting part, but the general chewing and swallowing part (I put "chewing" in there because I know how you think, you sickos).
About a year ago, I met 6 of Justin's friends for the first time at a Chinese restaurant. I went with one of my beloved standards: General Tsao's Chicken.
After splitting a scorpion bowl with Justin, our food arrived. (Note: scorpion bowls have powers in them. You think you become invincible.)
The pieces of golden fried chicken were an odd size. A little big bigger than a large marble, but most people would just hold the chicken, bite off half, chew it, then go back and finish the other half still held in the chopsticks.
Instead, I picked up my chopsticks, stuffed the entire piece of chicken in my mouth, bit it in half, then simultaneously chewed one half while "pouching" the other half in my cheek until I could attend to it.
This worked until like 3 or 4 pieces of chicken into my meal.
And then disaster struck.
I had gotten too confident and was skipping the "pouching" step. Instead, I was chewing a few times then attempting to swallow something the size of a miniature golf ball. This might not be such an impressive feat for some people I know who can nearly swallow an entire banana (Esco, I'm talking to you), but as a former dentist told me, I have a small mouth. That is accompanied with a small throat.
I had sucked the chicken nugget in and nearly swallowed it whole after chewing once. But it had gotten stuck. I found myself in the awkward position of, "OMIGOD I'M CHOKING. AND I JUST MET THESE PEOPLE. DO I MAKE THE INTERNATIONAL SYMBOL FOR CHOKING? OR JUST TRY TO FIGURE THIS OUT ON MY OWN?" Yes, in my head, it was in loud, CAPS LOCK font.
Justin caught my eye, saw me turning colors (red from embarrassment, blue from choking) and asked if I was ok. Intent that I would not make a bad impression, I slightly shook my head no but apparently when you can see the whites of your dining partner's eyes, it's time to worry.
Just as I was about to stand up for an assisted Heimlich maneuver, I quickly did an extensive finger sweep and dislodged the General's chicken from my throat.
I took a few quick gasps of air, calmed down, and proceeded to cut every piece of chicken on my plate into quarters. Which was going fine until....
I pulled a Julia Roberts a la Pretty Woman stunt and a piece of chicken flew out from between my chopsticks and flew across the floor like someone skipping rocks.
Luckily, either Justin's friends were neck-deep in scorpion bowls as well, or they were just kind enough not to verbally slay me for having such atrocious manners.
Either way, it's happened a few times since then, hence my self-imposed nickname of "The Pelican".
I would just like to point out all swallowing skills have been ruined due to the tiny opening I blue have to enter my stomach!
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