Leap of Faith

Last week it was Leap Day. Excited to have someone to start traditions with, I woke up and immediately told Justin we should make a Leap Day tradition. After vetoing my suggestion of "Leap from the Tallest Building" where we'd have drinks at the tallest building in Boston, he suggested a "Leap of Faith" by going to see a psychic.

I excitedly agreed.

See, Justin had never been to a psychic. I had and, despite their varying degrees of authenticity, never failed to be entertained.

For our first "Leap of Faith" traditional outing, we chose the Tremont Tearoom, "the world's oldest and most reputable psychic institution, serving Boston and the universe since 1936." For our psychic, we chose Molley:
Molley is a deeply intuitive and knowledgeable third generation psychic who has been counseling and guiding seekers through many psychic salons and emporiums all over New England, including in Salem and on the South Shore. A Salem witch and a priestess trained in the Cabot tradition, her readings are notable for their magnitude and depth, and her warm, friendly manner makes her easy to talk to about all of life's questions. Her kind and compassionate heart, and authentic psychic ability, will help her to guide you to the next level in your life.

Sounds like a reputable psychic, right? Sure, Justin said "she looks like a weirdo," but he relented since she was available to do a "Two of Hearts" reading. What is this, you ask? "Two of Hearts. A couple's reading that covers the gamut of compatibility and reveals the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship. Psychic insight to meet the goal of two hearts beating as one.

Cute, right?

Upon walking into this place, it was 1 room with about 6 small tables (the size of a tray table) and chairs on either side. This could easily be a suicide hotline headquarters, if it weren't for all the mystical stones, charms, and tarot pictures scattered about.

After a short wait, Molley sat us down and told us to cut the deck of tarot cards, shuffle them, and pass them back and forth to each other while she "got to her special place." So while Justin and I smirked and passed cards back and forth, our psychic hummed/moaned while holding a phallic looking cataract-colored crystal.

Then it was down to business. He and I alternated between asking questions, picking cards from the fanned out deck of tarot cards, and listening to our psychic.

In no particular order, here are my favorite lines from the night:

• [to me] You've had a hard life, haven't you? You have....[looks at Justin and points to me] She's been put through the wringer, so be good to her. Wow, I mean, you really...rough stuff, right? Me: No, not really. (my childhood was idyllic compared to most people). Her: ...Well, maybe you're blocking it? That must be it.
• [to me] You get depressed. Me: sometimes (like 2 days every 6 months, but I feel like that's a normal amount and totally acceptable). Her: What are you doing about it? Me: Umm...nothing. I mean, exercising....eating better. Her: tsk, tsk, tsk. You need to talk to someone about that.
• [to me, smiling] You love spending money. You do! Ah, I see it, and when you don't have enough money, you....get....depressed. [looking at Justin] Do you have a good job? Yes? Good. Because she needs financial security, or she can get depressed.
• [to both of us] Are you married? Engaged? Living together? No? ok. Which one of you has a child? You? You? [I laugh and say to Justin, Well, you never know...maybe a wild and crazy spring break night....you could have a child running around....] Her: So you MIGHT? No? Ok, well, I see a child in your future. Very soon. What are you using for birth control? Well, whatever it is, you should double up, if you know what I mean.
• [to both of us] Well, your marriage? It's going to be....TOUGH. It's going to be hard, really hard, and it's going to take a LOT of work to make it through.
• [to me] Your health? It's dicey.
• [to me] Whooooo.....you're going to gain a lot weight. After you have kids you're going to be a big woman. [looks at Justin] Do you have big women in your family? Yes? Good, because she's going to be a big woman [laughs good-naturedly].

Now, at this point, we've kind of run out of questions and we know this woman is packed to the gills with nonsense. My friend Esco tells me ahead of time, "Hey, I don't like those kinds of things, but.....if you happen to ask about me AND it happens to be good news, please feel free to share it." So, I ask about my friend and she replies with: Oooh, Jess? She's a drinker, right? A partier? Loves to have a good time (I'm thinking, "ok, so maybe she's not that off on this one" and then she says...)...well I wouldn't leave her alone for too long with this one [jerks thumb toward Justin]. I could see her having one-too-many drinks and waking up next to him the next morning going, "Whoa! What just happened here?"

So all in all, complete hogwash and horsefeathers.

Did we find divine insight into the future and/or past? No.

Were we heavily entertained with a one-man show full of theatrics and props? Absolutely.

We're thinking that in 4 years we'll try our luck at tea leaves. I mean, at the very least, maybe I won't get called a giant whale and my psychic won't hit on my boyfriend.